I am a big fan of the police. Especially if someone is trying to break into my house or steal from me. The only caveat to this is when they are pulling me over for a traffic stop. A few weeks ago an officer was riding my bumper and I turned into a grocery store. It was my feeble attempt at acting like I was already pulling in to the store. I wasn’t speeding and I’m still not quite sure why he pulled me over. All I can tell you is he was INTENSE.
He began yelling right when I stepped out of the car. He spun me around and demanded that the healthy, seaweed drink in the front seat of the car was Vodka. My mother gave me that drink because she wants me to be healthy. He didn’t believe me until he had frisked me, completely violating my privacy. He then smelled the bottle and declared that it indeed was a seaweed drink. He then let me go with a smile and a wave. It was awkward and more than a little frustrating.
I was pretty furious, but I held my emotions in check because I decided long ago that I would do just about anything in order to stay out of jail (until my daughters start dating, then I will be ready for prison ministry). It was direct result of a boundary that I set up a long time ago. I decided that any time I had an opportunity to get in trouble I wouldn’t take it. It’s important that you figure out where your boundaries are before you actually need them.
You have to know your limits and let your limits be known.
- You can’t set good boundaries if you don’t know where you stand.
- Identify your physical, emotional, mental and spiritual limits.
- Ask yourself, “What can I tolerate and accept VS what makes me feel uncomfortable or stressed.”
This will help you develop consequences for when someone breaks your boundaries. Boundaries with no consequences aren’t boundaries at all.
Here’s some starter boundary statements to get you started:
- Anger – “You may not continue to yell at me. if you do, I will leave the room and end this conversation.”
- Just make sure you don’t scream this phrase at them.
- Pressure – “I have a policy of not making snap decisions. I need time to think and reflect on what I need to do. If you need an immediate answer it will have to be no.”
- Criticism – “It’s not okay with me for you to make comments about my weight. Please stop. If you don’t stop I won’t be able to continue this conversation.”
- Extra Commitments – “Although this is an important issue to me, I must decline your request for help at this time. Or, I need to honor the needs of my family first.”
- Money – “I won’t be lending you any more money. I care about you and you need to take responsibility for yourself.”
Take a deep breath. You can do this. Start compiling a list of boundaries that you need to set and start small.
Watch more on this at http://the429.com/media/stream/ How To Hug A Vampire Part 3.